Currently Innocence & Instinct By Red Never Be the Same see related

Windblown dreams...

Well...looks like I'm off for the summer!  Don't know exactly what I'm expecting, I've actually only realized recently that I should probably be preparing myself for this summer...haha, which was last night.  Everything's packed up, I think I'm ready, exept who knows if I'm really ready INSIDE....it's hard entering a time when you don't know what to expect.  Guess I'll find out.

Tattianna

Currently Unbreakable By Fireflight Unbreakable see related

To all who have hurt me in the past...and in the future

I’m curious as to what you are expecting me to say.  A list of obscenities that you know I’m not familiar with.  Maybe accusations of the past.  Sometimes I wonder if you would feel better if I was angry…sometimes I wonder with all you’ve said, if you feel guilty.  I may have known you well, I may have hardly known you.  But after what you did I studied you to know what brought it on, and in that I saw all you hide behind now.  Your friends, your popularity, your cutting words, your jokes…it all led to what you were hiding, and almost seemed like you needed my anger to fulfill the punishment you thought you deserved.  I’m not giving you that satisfaction.

            Are you expecting me to fight back with words?  I can’t sink to the level that you fight from.  I’ve learned better then to put people in a place I’ve come from.  Maybe you’re hurting inside and seeing someone else hurt makes you feel less alone, but I can tell you this much; the tears you’ve imagined streaming down my cheeks are non-existent.  If there was any sadness it was sobs where no one would hear, and silent acidic pain eating away where no one ever saw.

            What you would see now would astonish you.  I would laugh in your face.  Not because I’m trying to hurt you, not because I’m trying to unleash the laughter and mockery you often used to shoot me down.  Instead, I find this moment in time funny.  You broke my trust in an attempt to scare me from everyone.  I’ve learned to trust sparingly.  You mocked my choices in an attempt to make you feel better about your own.  I realized I was not you, and that I had to know who I was in my Savior.  You made fun of that relationship with the One who holds me up, telling me I was just putting on a show.  I know now you felt a hole and knew you weren’t where you should be then.  Sometimes it’s easier to pull down others with you instead of changing yourself.  You’ve pushed me closer to my Stronghold instead of pulling me away.  You tried to make me insecure, and now I’m confident as ever.  You tried to tell me I was ugly, now I see my beauty in Christ.  You cut me down with words, spread rumors about me that weren’t true.  Your lies spread quickly, cutting away friends and leaving my stable friends untrusting.  But instead of pushing me down, I rose and decided to prove your rumors wrong.  I’ll live something that testifies whose life is a lie.

            I look and see all the ways you are hurting yourself right now and hurt for you.  You’ve become addicted to your drug of choice, always needing approval or something of the sort to keep you going.  You’re stuck on someone’s past mistake, and now expect everyone else to be wrong in that same area instead of looking at yourself for a change.  Do you even know who you are?  You seem to change to fit your environment.  Are you happy?  You seem depressed in what you’ve finally accomplished.

            You’ve left scars, I can’t lie, but I’ve learned to rise above them.  Seeing where you are makes me push on to stay true, to know who I am and not change.  I can’t destroy you now in the ways you tried to destroy me, even though sometimes I can sense the one frayed thread I could pull to make you fall apart.  What you once saw as your strength is now your undoing, what you used to seek victory with me now destroys you.

            I only pray for you that you rise above what holds you back, a lifetime of voices you’ve kept in your mind that you need to shake off….just like I shook off yours.

            Don’t think I’m callous, I care.  But if I seem not so trusting with you anymore, I’m trying to give you the benefit of the doubt.  Sometimes more then you deserve.

            So now I thank you, not for the pain, but for everything you meant to pull me down…that has made me stronger…more confident….and unbreakable.

            And I take pride in knowing that though you think you may know me right now…you really don’t.

Sometimes poetry and music can transpose what my own words are struggling to say.

My respiration and inspiration, the beating of my heart, the passing
of blood and air through my lungs,

Have you reckoned a thousand acres much? Have you reckoned the earth much?
Have you practiced so long to learn to read?
Have you felt so proud to get at the meaning of poems?

Stop this day and night with me and you shall possess the origin of
all poems,
You shall possess the good of the earth and sun,

You shall no longer take things at second or third hand,

nor look through the eyes of the dead, nor feed on the specters in books,
You shall not look through my eyes either, nor take things from me,
You shall listen to all sides and filter them from your self.

I wish I could translate the hints about the dead young men and women,
And the hints about old men and mothers, and the offspring taken
soon out of their laps.
What do you think has become of the young and old men?
And what do you think has become of the women and children?
They are alive and well somewhere,
The smallest sprout shows there is really no death,
And if ever there was it led forward life, and does not wait at the
end to arrest it,
And ceased the moment life appeared.
All goes onward and outward, nothing collapses,
And to die is different from what any one supposed, and luckier.
Has any one supposed it lucky to be born?
I hasten to inform him or her it is just as lucky to die, and I know it.

I play not marches for accepted victors only, I play marches for
conquered and slain persons.

Vivas to those who have failed!
And to those whose war-vessels sank in the sea!
And to those themselves who sank in the sea!
And to all generals that lost engagements, and all overcome heroes!
And the numberless unknown heroes equal to the greatest heroes known!

Unscrew the locks from the doors!
Unscrew the doors themselves from their jambs!
Whoever degrades another degrades me,
And whatever is done or said returns at last to me.

Through me many long dumb voices,
Voices of the interminable generations of prisoners and slaves,
Voices of the diseased and despairing and of thieves and dwarfs,
Voices of cycles of preparation and accretion,
And of the threads that connect the stars, and of wombs and of the
father-stuff,
And of the rights of them the others are down upon,
Of the deformed, trivial, flat, foolish, despised

I too am not a bit tamed, I too am untranslatable,

I bequeath myself to the dirt to grow from the grass I love,
If you want me again look for me under your boot-soles.

You will hardly know who I am or what I mean,
But I shall be good health to you nevertheless,
And filter and fiber your blood.

Failing to fetch me at first keep encouraged,
Missing me one place search another,
I stop somewhere waiting for you.

~Segments from “Song of Myself” Walt Whitman~

The teen years….years of inconsistency.  Is anything real?  Is this all fake? Does it mean ANYTHING to you?  Can you make up your mind who you are?  Do I seem as changing as everyone that seems to cross my path?  What’s going on in your head?  Are you actually thinking about the people around you…or blindly following your own little dream? 

Maybe we’ve  become blind to those around us.  Maybe we like to credit ourselves with everything we think…and not what we do.  Maybe you THINK about talking to a person a lot…but when it comes down to it, all they see is the one time you talk to them.  It takes no effort to follow your own road…in fact you think over and over that you give up your own road so many times…when you are effortlessly following it.  Am I this too?  Is this who I seem to everyone?  They say no, they say I’m real, they say I’m someone incredible even if I can’t see it….but am I changing constantly with the tide…moving with the wind….can’t make up my mind…..?

The teen years…years of inconsistency, change…doubts….and the need to cling to the One who never changes.

"You decide...who will you run to?  Wrong or right?" You decide~ Fireflight

Ecc. 3:1-8